I’ve seen this e-mail diatribe before and it left me unimpressed. But it was forwarded to me recently by a “conservative” relative (I’m the only non-conservative in the family) and I couldn’t resist responding. First is the argument, then I give my response.

If you cross the North Korean border illegally, you get 12 years hard labor.

If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you are detained indefinitely.

If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.

If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you will be jailed.

If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you may never be heard from again.

If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.

If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you will be thrown into political prison to rot.

If you cross the U.S. border illegally, you get

A job,
A drivers license,
A Social Security card,
Welfare,
Food stamps,
Credit cards,
Subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house,
Free education,
Free health care,
A lobbyist in Washington
Billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language
The right to carry your country's flag while you protest that you don't get enough respect
And, in many instances, you can vote.

I just wanted to make sure I had a firm grasp on the situation !!!
Please!!!! Keep this going...... forward to all of your friends & family.
It's time to wake up America !

The writer (if not the sender) had to be more than a little muddled in his thinking. I responded thus:

I’m not sure all of the stuff about the other countries is true, but no matter. Let's see if I got this right. We want the U.S. to be as repressive as North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, China, Venezuela and Cuba? Just checking.

It’s a shame you couldn’t summarize the immigration policies of nations the U.S. likes: Australia, Brazil, Canada, New Zealand, et al.

Actually, all these things the US provides for free go only to one class of illegal immigrants – CUBANS – who are supported and encouraged to come to the U.S. by, um, the Republicans!

So a corrupt political system run for the benefit of special interests is OK with you? Just checking.

My interlocutor wasn’t through with me. He wrote,

I agree that the system of immigration is corrupt and should be fixed and the borders secured. The democraps want their votes and they will NOT fix it. Enuf said on subject.

I replied,

Baloney. Republicans hold the House and a substantial minority in the Senate. The Republicans have consistently blocked immigration reform. Besides, Republicans benefit from all those low-wage workers in their factories and fields. Can you say "hypocrisy"?

Of course, there was more from my “conservative” interlocutor:

lets have another stimulus
u must like 9.1% unemployment
please vote for him again but do not send me any more notes unless you use brain first.
Enuf said on subject.

I had one more go at it, then gave up:

First of all, we were not talking about stimulus.
Second, the stimulus worked: unemployment would be twice as high without it.
Third, more stimulus is needed - "priming the pump" is the aim, increased investment (from companies that are now sitting on piles of cash) is the goal, increased job creation is the end result.
Fourth, nobody outside the Beltway and the Tea Party thinks deficits are a problem in a recession; indeed, deficits are necessary in a recession.
Fifth, I will vote for whoever promises to make my life better, regardless of race. But since all of the Republicans have promised to make my life (and that of most Americans) worse, it is unlikely I will be voting for any of them. What I find odd is why you consistently vote against your own interests.

And I could talk about using brains, too, but you would still ignore me. So never mind.

—Ronald Bruce Meyer