The following is a commentary in an ongoing series of “Reflections” by John Mill. John Mill is the radio persona of Ronald Bruce Meyer and can be heard on “American Heathen.” “The American Heathen” Internet radio broadcast is aired, live, on Friday nights from 7:00pm-10:00pm Central time on ShockNetRadio.com
10 Reason Why I Am Better Than God
(And So Are You!)
A Reflection by Ronald Bruce Meyer
I’ve decided that I’m better than God. No, I didn’t say I am God – although nobody lately has accused me of modesty. I’m just saying I’m better than God. You’re better than God, too. And not in the sense of the trick logical joke that supposedly “proves” that oysters are better than heaven.
Haven’t heard that one? It goes like this:
I can prove that oysters are better than heaven. Oysters are better than nothing, right? OK. Nothing is better than heaven!
No, I won’t use cheap ploys like that to convince you that you and I are better than God. There are 10 reasons why you and I are better than God:
#10. I won't punish you if you commit a sin. I don’t even know what sin is. Or care. But don’t count on me if you break the law.
#9. People don't corner you in public places, shouting, “John Mill loves you!”
#8. I need money, too, but I don’t take donations: I actually work for it. Even on Sunday.
#7. People don't fight each other in my name.
#6. You can come back home after visiting my house. This may not be true about visiting God's house.
#5. If you tell people you talked to me, they'll think you're cool. If you tell people you talked to God, they'll think you're nuts. And as an added bonus, people won’t hate you for admitting that you’re not talking to me – and neither will I.
#4. A lot of people have pissed me off, but I haven’t killed anybody. Yet.
#3. As long as you don’t do anything icky with minors, or force anybody, I couldn’t care less what you do with your genitals. In fact, you don’t even need to tell me. Or text me. Do we have a deal?
#2. I don’t take credit for things you really accomplished on your own. So you don’t have to thank me or bless me for succeeding in life. But you could send me a tweet.
#1. You know for certain I exist. If you pray to me, I won't answer. But neither will God.
There's no harm in believing in me because I won't ask you to do anything contrary to your conscience. And all of these things apply equally well to you, too. You are better than your god.
Now here’s an important question: If you are better than your god, what do you need god for?
In her biography of her father, Mary Ellin Barrett refers to her father's "agnosticism," and describes him as a "nonbeliever."